Being Selfish (And Why That Might Actually Be A Good Thing)
The Voice That Calls You Selfish
You know that voice in your head that shouts “You’re being selfish!” the moment you do something for yourself?
If that’s you, there’s a good chance you were never taught how to consider yourself.
You were probably taught that being a “good person” meant taking care of others first. Fixing things, smoothing things over, making sure everyone else was okay (even if it meant you weren’t). Somewhere along the way, you didn’t even make the radar.
How “Selfless” Becomes a Stress Response
You weren’t taught to consider yourself.
You weren’t taught to ask, What do I need?
You were taught to make sure they’re okay, which is actually a learned stress response.
So now, when you do consider yourself (even just a little), it sets off that loud “selfish” alarm in your brain.
Maybe it’s when you set a healthy boundary.
Maybe it’s when you take time for yourself instead of saying yes again.
Maybe it’s when you make a decision that benefits you, too—not just everyone else.
And suddenly… you feel guilty.
The Cost of Neglecting Yourself
If you’ve spent years in relationships, careers, or causes that required you to be selfless, you’ve trained your nervous system to equate self-care with danger.
But neglecting yourself will always catch up. It shows up as resentment, burnout, exhaustion, or even disconnection from who you are.
So what if considering yourself isn’t selfish, it’s self-preservation? It’s simply remembering that you exist, too.
It’s not you only. It’s you also.
Wholeness Over Depletion
Caring for others is beautiful. But it’s even more beautiful when it comes from a place of wholeness rather than depletion.
It takes some effort to learn how to be a part of your own life, but that’s where healthy love, balance, and connection begin.
If this resonated, you may also like:
And for a deeper dive into understanding and retraining your nervous system, explore The Human User Manual (HUM).
FAQ’s
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Because your brain has wired “considering yourself” as unsafe. It’s not actually guilt, it’s a stress response. With understanding and rewiring, your nervous system learns that it’s okay for you to have needs too.
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That can happen, especially if they’re used to you always saying yes. There will be adjustments when you start showing up for yourself, but healthy relationships can allow this. And the alternative is you not showing up for yourself, which often comes out as damaging to your mental, physical, or emotional wellbeing.
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Try thinking “me also” instead of “me only.” It’s not about excluding or not caring about anyone/anything else, it’s about including you.
