When Growth Meets Old Triggers

The Surprising Moments That Throw Us Off

It’s funny. I feel like I have evolved so much as a person in the last few years. My life, my friends, my work, and my relationship with myself are all more fulfilling and healthy. And that’s where I live most days.

But then there are moments that are different. Networking events. Holidays with extended family. Situations that have a history, a rhythm, and sometimes old triggers.

Even though I’ve evolved, I can still get mentally pulled back into old patterns and unhelpful mindsets. Until recently, I used to beat myself up for that.

Why couldn’t I just be the evolved person I am in my normal day-to-day life?

Understanding What’s Really Happening

And then it hit me: it’s not that I’m regressing—it’s that my neural pathways are different.

I’ve spent a lot of time creating new ways of being in my daily life. I’ve practiced them, built them, and strengthened them over and over again. Those patterns now feel natural and accessible.

But those “special” situations? I haven’t lived them enough times as this newer version of myself to create those same new pathways yet.

And that realization gave me a wave of relief.

It’s not that I’m failing. It’s that I’m still learning.

Creating a Plan That Supports Growth

Once I saw that clearly, I realized I could stop the repetitive self-criticism and instead make a plan—one rooted in understanding and compassion.

Here’s what that looks like for me:

1. Recognize the progress I have made

2. Give myself grace for what I haven’t

3. Acknowledge that these moments are harder—and that’s okay

4. Remember that my current “easy” once felt hard too

5. Use the same tools I rely on every day—breathing, pausing, texting my girlfriends, walking outside, listening to music, and dancing

6. Remind myself that this too will pass, and the point is simply to keep moving forward

A Gentle Reminder

Growth isn’t linear. It winds, circles, and sometimes loops back through old territory—but every time, you’re walking it with a little more awareness.

So give yourself grace.
You’re not starting over.
You’re continuing forward, with understanding.

Love and light,
Jen

• Why do I revert back to old patterns in familiar situations?

  I’m so glad you asked, because understanding the places we get stuck is such an important part of breaking out of them. (So important that I spent a year creating a course about it).

  When you feel yourself revert back, know that something about that situation is linked to old neural pathway for you. Your brain defaults to what’s most well-practiced. New settings give you a chance to build new wiring, but older ones may take more repetition to fully rewire.

• How can I remind myself to stay grounded in these moments?

  Have a few go-to cues ready: a deep breath before walking in, a mantra (“I can be both growing and grounded”), or even a brief pause to feel your feet on the floor. These small resets help you anchor in the present moment. And that little piece already begins to regulate your nervous system and change your wiring.

• Does the growth I've made just go away?

  Your growth is not erased by moments of struggle. You are still the evolved version of yourself, you’re just being invited to practice those new patterns in a new context.