I Could…But What If?
When your brain is ping-ponging on a decision, it’s usually a sign that you need more information.
There are a few themes that come up often in my office, and one of them is this: when you’re flip-flopping on a decision, it’s usually a sign that you need more information.
This isn’t just something I say to clients. It’s something I have to remind myself of too.
The Back-and-Forth
I used to play tennis about 12 years ago, and I loved it. I was never ranked higher than a 2.5 or 3.0, but I didn’t care. I just loved being on the court. I stopped playing regularly about nine years ago, and since then it’s only been here and there.
A month or two ago, I stopped by the courts near my house to ask a few questions and ended up chatting with a lovely woman about coaching. I casually mentioned that I’d been thinking about getting back into tennis, and she took my card.
Fast forward to yesterday. I got a text from her asking if I’d want to play doubles with her and some friends.
As I was driving to the gym this morning, my brain went straight into overdrive.
I thought, “I could do it... but I tweaked my back not long ago. I’ve been really out of shape. I haven’t picked up a racket in three years. I’ll probably be terrible. What if I hurt myself? I’m 52 and I can’t just jump back in.”
Then, just as quickly, I swung to the other side.
“But you love playing. She said the group was fun. You’ve been looking for something physically enjoyable. This could be great!”
Then back again.
“It’s July. In North Carolina. It’s hot as all get out. The last thing I want to do is be out in that heat.”
Ping-pong. Back and forth. Over and over. I couldn’t make a decision because I didn’t have enough information.
When “Coach Jen” Steps In
That’s when “Coach Jen” stepped in.
I reminded myself of what I tell my clients all the time: it sounds like you need more information.
So instead of spiraling further, I decided to call her. I asked what the group was like, what they were hoping for, and whether they were okay with someone who hasn’t played in a while.
Simple questions that immediately made everything feel clearer.
Why We Spiral
Here’s the thing: our brains don’t like the unknown. It feels unsafe, so they try to fill in the blanks. And they’re excellent storytellers—just not always accurate ones.
The longer we spin in uncertainty, the more elaborate (and often unhelpful) the stories get. I call this the downward spiral.
A Simple Shift
The best move when you find yourself stuck in indecision is to pause and ask yourself,
Do I need more information?
Gathering even just a little more clarity can calm your nervous system and bring your thinking brain back online.
There might still be a bit of back-and-forth, but it likely won’t be as intense or overwhelming.
And sometimes, that’s all you need to move forward: one question, one small action, one call for more information.
FAQ’s
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Often it means your brain doesn’t have enough information to feel safe choosing. When something feels uncertain, your nervous system jumps in to protect you by stalling or overanalyzing.
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Pause and ask, “What information am I missing?”, then gather one or two small pieces of clarity. This helps regulate your nervous system so you can think more clearly.
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In life coaching sessions, I help clients recognize when they’re spinning in “I could… but what if” mode and teach tools to calm their nervous system, process through their thoughts, and take aligned action.
