Why transitions feel so hard (and what actually helps)
You’ve probably heard the phrase “the only thing constant in life is change”. So if life is full of change and transitions are a necessary part of change, why are they so tricky?
Transitions are so hard because of the unknown, of what you're about to go into, what it's gonna look like, and how it's all gonna turn out. It's the how am I going to... How is this going to work? How am I going to do this? How am I going to juggle it? How am I gonna fit it all? What's going to happen, basically?
Transitions involve the messy middle. Yeah, it's messy. It's going from one thing to the next, and you're not in the old anymore, but you're not in the new yet. You are in the middle.
Our brains, our autonomic nervous systems, do not like the unknown, because it's unpredictable. Sometimes this can feel like an adventure. Some people can take it that way and be cool with it, but in general, humans don't like to not know.
So, I'm gonna give you one tip. I want you to think of a time in the past when you went through a transition. Maybe it's a similar transition to what you're going through now. It might even be a transition you've been through time and time again, like the start of the school year, or the change of seasons. Or maybe it's a totally different transition.
Consider for a minute: how did you make it through the messy middle of that transition? What, in the end, helped you feel more settled?
If transitions are a chronic challenge for you, and you white-knuckle your way through them or cope with things that aren't so healthy, this is not a place to beat yourself up. Start by seeing if you can find at least one little sliver of something healthy and supportive. And start there. Any progress, no matter how small, is still a change from your norm and worth being proud of.
Here's a quick list of some of my go-tos. Yours will be different, of course, since we're not the same person. But what you're going for are things that give you a sense of safety and security (hint, it’s about nervous system regulation). I tend to go for things that ground me in the moment, like:
moments outside to see the sky, which is my favorite part of nature (sunrise, sunset, clouds, stars, whatever I can notice in the moment I step outside)
a yin or restorative yoga class
a song from my favorite playlist (played on repeat, it's an ADHD thing)
deep breaths with long exhales (hand on my heart is a bonus)
the feeling of something cozy (a blanket, comfy couch/bed/chair, comfy clothing)
a conversation with someone where I don't have to hold back or consider what I'm saying (usually my best friend or my coach)
Please feel free to reach out to share yours, or if you need a bit of guidance.
Want to read more about...
Why you keep ending up in the same place during hard moments…read Even Your Messy Patterns Make Sense
Easing your grip on how things "should" go…dive into Finding Your Way
Reassurance that holding steady in uncertainty doesn't have to be a battle…read Standing Up for Yourself Doesn't Need to Be a Fight
