When the Picture Changes
Honoring change, loss, and growth during the holidays
This Christmas is about to be very different for me.
Every other year, we travel to Michigan to be with my family. My mom, her husband, my siblings, their spouses, and all the grandkids. It is a very full, chaotic time with laughter and tons of holiday spirit. But this is our year off, where we normally see my mother in law, which we did last weekend, and then spend a much quieter holiday as the four of us.
But we have entered a new phase of life.
My son, who is 22, will be on a trip with his girlfriend’s family. So we will have 3/4 of my family together, and the thought of a Christmas without my son honestly feels really lonely for us.
I’ve had so many conversations lately with people whose holidays are going to look or feel different this year. Those who will not be with their kids for various reasons. Those who will not be with their bigger family units, whether that’s due to logistics or healthy boundaries they’ve set. Those who are navigating loss: of a loved one, a job, a relationship, or their normalcy. Those in the middle of big challenges. There seem to be so many reasons this year looks and feels different.
Normally, I’d be writing this holiday newsletter about diving head first into the bliss. Or about how to make your holidays more intentional and less chaotic. Or I’d write about how to navigate tricky family dynamics, you can find a fun mind shift activity for that here.
But I’ve found myself at a loss this year, because I can only write from my authentic experience. And that’s not where I am right now.
So if this idea of a different kind of holiday season hits where you are this year, I want to share a few thoughts and mind shifts that my clients and I have talked about, and that I’m currently embracing myself.
A few gentle reminders for different holidays
First, know that you are not alone. This is not just a ‘you’ thing (even though loneliness loves to convince us that it is).
Know that every year will not look like this year. For some, this year will be the exception to the rule.
Allow yourself to embrace the difference. Instead of fighting the reality that this year is different, try saying out loud, “This year is different.” Let yourself absorb that truth. Tears may come, and that’s okay. Then ask yourself, out loud, “What do I need?”
For me, that question has led to truly embracing the difference instead of letting it take me down. I realized what I needed was for this holiday to be truly different, so we’re using this time to take a quick trip somewhere warm.
Be kind to yourself.
Ask for hugs when you need them, or give them to yourself (this actually releases oxytocin just as if it was received from someone else).
Find ways to invite in laughter and fun (I’m a big fan of embracing anything kid like).
Make sure you’re still doing some of your favorite things, but maybe invite good friends, or even acquaintances, to do them with you.
Know that you have the power to choose something different if it serves you.
And also know this. There will be lonely moments. There were likely these moments even when everything was ‘typical’. These are moments, and they will pass. So when they come, give yourself a big hug, a few breaths, or a dance party break. And if something extra sticky shows up in your mind or heart, that’s just a place where a little growing might be asking to happen. And that’s okay, we all have those places.
Whatever your season looks like, different doesn’t have to be bad. And if you need some quick encouragement or a safe place to say all the things, you’re always welcome to reach out to me.
With love and light,
Jen
FAQ’s
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Yes, it’s not just you!
The holidays tend to magnify change, absence, and our unmet expectations. Even people who typically love this season can feel lonely when the picture shifts.
Feeling lonely does not mean something is wrong with you. It often means you’re noticing what matters to you and, also, what has changed.
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Start by naming the difference instead of fighting it.
Saying out loud “this year is different” can create a surprising amount of relief. From there, gently ask yourself what you need right now, not what you THINK you should need.
Support can look like adjusting traditions, inviting in connection, allowing rest, or choosing something entirely new. The key is supporting what you need, often in new or adapted ways.
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That can happen, even in moments that are meaningful or calm.
Sadness often arrives in waves and does not mean the whole season is heavy. When it shows up, meet it with kindness and curiosity rather than judgment.
These moments pass, and they can also point you toward places where a little more care, support, or understanding might be helpful.
And if this post resonated with you, you may also enjoy:
• The Stories Our Minds Tell Us
